


never

by mintgreyashes



Series: it'll get better [3]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 14:15:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17705825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintgreyashes/pseuds/mintgreyashes
Summary: "In the end, he is all he is."-His hands burn, itching from the heat of his flames, as he ends the war with the Milliefiore with a single, final move.And with it, is a life lost and gone forever. Byakuran is defeated, while Tsuna is left to realise what it means to have sinned, and what it means to be a killer.He moves on, but he doesn't let go.





	never

  
His hands burn.

Charred black, like the **sins** that colour him, colour the blood through his veins. The **sins** of Vongola.

He itches, and his mind echoes, words repeating and repeating and fading into nothing at all.

_Killer._

_You're a killer._

_A cruel, dirty_ _**murderer.** _

His eyes, yellow ochre, dull and unseeing, focusing solely on the place where **he** had once stood.

Burned into ashes.

Burned into nothing.

And _god,_ oh _god,_ it _haunts_ Tsuna.

He feels sick, the urge to scream overwhelming, almost as much as the disgust that pools in his gut.

And the realisation that _he_ had done this.

Killed.

Hurt.

_Burned._

All without a second thought.

Like a _murderer,_ through and through.

The thought is chilling, and Tsuna wants to scream. Wants to sob. Wants to cry and _take it all back._

But he can't.

Because in the end, a life is a life.

And once it's gone and done and _over,_ you can _never_ have it back.

But his friends cheer.

They laugh, yell, celebrate. Uncaring of the life that once was.

Unknowing of the weight of Tsuna's **sins.**

"You did it, Tsuna!"

"As expected of you, Jyuudaime!"

And it is then Tsuna knows that he won't allow himself to regret.

To grieve.

To show just how _ruined_ he felt, show that his _everything_ was crumbling away into nothing and nothing but **sins.**

He _couldn't._

Not when his friends are _happy,_ innocently gleeful in their tiny bubble of happiness, unknowing and unaware of the weight of Tsuna's actions.

And Tsuna can't bear to take that happiness away from them.

Can't bear to think about the fact that a life lost is a life gone forever.

So Tsuna lets himself be carried away by his friends' laughter. Lets himself drift, quiet, quiet, even as others celebrate his victory, unaware, happy and _free._

_Like a coward._

Yet, his hands itch.

They burn, a dull throb, the heat from his flames lingering, even when he numbs the pain under cold water.

Even when he tells himself that the heat wasn't _real,_ that it was all just a mere illusion.

And sometimes, his mind flashes back to Byakuran's final smile, leaving Tsuna to wonder if the man knew this would happen all along.

That he'd be damning Tsuna to a cruel, _cruel_ reminder of how the world worked.

That Tsuna is not a saint.

Not _clean_ and _free_ and naively _happy_ , not anymore.

Because in the end, Tsuna is the heir to a family full of blood, horror and _death_.

And he is what he is.

Never to be a saint.

Never to live a normal life.

Never, never, never.

His hands itch.

The nausea is back.

And Tsuna accepts it all.

He swallows down the guilt, the regret, swallows down the everything.

_Just for a day._

_Just one day more._

_When we are all still so happy._

He prays he doesn't explode, doesn't burst like a balloon from everything he's choosing to hide.

Hopes that he doesn't crumble from the plastic **smiles,** pretending and pretending and _lying_ that everything is _alright._

That Tsuna is _fine._

And it repeats.

Over and over again.

Like a mantra.

_'I am what I am.'_

Over and over.

Repeating and repeating.

And the days move on.

But Tsuna can never let go.

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this in the car otw back from malaysia. do you guys want a continuation, or do you think it's fine as a one-shot?


End file.
